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THE SPARKS OF THE LIGHTS - Part 13

“Strap yourself in, yes?” David told his son that was sitting on the passenger’s seat. “Jesus.” Kayden was kinda awkward this time [Well, he always is]. David felt somewhat strange about this ‘knowing-mum-trip’. He didn’t even exactly know where she really lives or just where to find her. He knew nothing about her. The last and only information he has about her is that she could stay in Brooklyn and it’s about 600 kilometres away from Montréal. There’s a long way to go!

“Are we there yet?” Kayden kept asking. It started getting on David’s nervous a little. “No.” He said shortly. “Are we there yet?” “No.” “Are we there yet?” “Kayden, I don’t even know where she lives, you know? I’m driving like a roadhog..” David answered aloud. He was flooded with nervousness again. It was for the umpteenth time.

During the going-to David had to stop for several times to ask some passers-by about a woman called Kaitlynn Foster. Fortunately, one guy knew where to find her and led them to the… um… ‘house’. Simply said, it was kinda messed up house.

“Is this… it?” Kayden asked, wide-eyed. David swallowed thickly before telling him: “It is.” He sighed and lowered down his tired eyes from driving all the time without a break.

“Fine. I’m going there.” Kayden snapped and wanted to get out of the car. During the attempt David grasped his sleeve and made him sit down again. “I’m going with you.” “No, you’re not, father. I can care about myself so… I wanna be there alone.” David flew into panic. All he wanted to do was to go with his son to have him in view.

He just remembered what Pierre has told him last night. It’s all up to him. He has to know it all by himself.

“Okay, you can go in there but I’ll be waiting in front of, okay? Whatever happens, come on out or scream or call me or-“ Sure! Don’t worry, okay? I’m going.” Kayden snapped again and was really sure about what he was gonna do.

While David was sitting in the car and was so nervous and jumpy that he shook, Kayden rang at his mother’s door. He was standing there with not a scintilla of nervousness.

…..

The door was open. Suddenly a silhouette appeared in the doorway. Kayden’s eyes got wider but in the same time he just tried to cover it up. He swallowed thickly before telling with a low voice: “Good… morning.” He was a little stopped. His mind wasn’t working neither his heart wasn’t beating. Immediately he heard a hoarse and cracked voice saying: “Need anything?” The voice sounded really ‘drunk’.

“May I come in?” Kayden asked with restraint, swallowing again. The woman in the doorway just gave him a really drunk look before letting him go in. As he noticed a bottle of vodka in her right hand he took a look back at where his father was standing short way off.

“Whataya want from me, you little one?” She just hiccupped before collapsing to an arm chair, taking a slurp. Kayden was confused pretty much. He sat as well and looked all around the room. There were some spider webs in the corners, dust was all around and pretty many kinds of clothes were lying on the ground. That was incredibly messed up and dirty room.

“I just wanted to see you.” Kayden said and was holding tears inside. He was sitting there, rubbing his hands nervously. “But I don’t wanna. If you’re one of those telling me to stop doing what I got used to, you can get up and out of my house, fucker.” Some tears fell down Kayden’s cheeks. He didn’t expect his mom to be like that.

“But I’m your son.” He said in tears, looking down. “My son? Which one?” She asked and it made him rather nonplus. He thought: Wait, am I not her only one? Then he realized. She looked exactly like a…hooker.

While Kayden was sitting there motionless and speechless, she took many slurps of the shits she had in hand. “Do you know David?… David Desrosiers?” He asked. He knew how to get her. She gave a cough before asking low-voiced: “David? Sure, I know him. Haven’t seen him for years.” She just grinned absently. “He’s my father. I’m Kayden. Your son.” He said in tears, rubbing his hands still.

“It’s possible.” She said impassively, taking another sip. “You don’t care? All I wanted for years was to see you, to see my mother. You know, I haven’t had the chance to meet you for 17 years… and I have missed you. All I see is that your only desire is to… to disappoint me.” He said, letting the tears fall down his cheeks.

She took a look at him. “You know… I can’t do anything about it. That’s where I ended up. I’m a mess, I know. But I don’t feel like changing it, you know?” She said and coughed. Kayden had enough of it. He just couldn’t believe what he actually heard.

He was thinking for a while. He was thinking about his father. He just realized how amazing his father is. Kayden realized that he was the first from the start for him. His dad would do everything just him to be happy still. He just saw the love from father. He felt the strength by his side. He always gives him advises. He tries his best Kayden to try man up and not be the one that people look down their nose at.

“I’m out. I don’t even dare to call you my mother…” Kayden said and got up, crying still. “Fine. I don’t give a fuck.” She said and took a slurp. Kayden just shook his head. It was over his thinking. “You know, my father was still here even if I haven’t appreciated it at all. He was there when you weren’t… Goodbye.” He said and a tear stained his left cheek. “Bye.” She said simply, ignoring him from the point on.

….

THE SPARKS OF THE LIGHTS - Part 12

“Oh! I’m so sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to give you a shove.” Pierre said to ‘somebody’ he pushed into. He made the guy drop down all papers he had in hand. Pierre immediately knelt down and helped the guy to take it all up.

“It’s not your fault. I wasn’t watching my steps. Sorry.” The nice man responded and knelt down as well. Pierre handed him a bunch of papers. As he touched his hand he recognized it. It was the nice gentle and soft hand he used to love and still does.

Pierre lifted his head up and took a look at the boy in front of. It was David. Neither knew what to say. “Oh, I…” Pierre stuttered a few words before completing the whole sentence: “Here it is.” He said, not stopping looking into his incredible eyes he used to look into so often.

David was confused a bit. He shook his head to make the daydreaming chase away. “Thank you.” They both got up. David put the papers straight, clearing his throat. “How are you doing?” Pierre asked nervously, looking into his eyes still.

“Nothing much. What about you? I hope you… doing well.” David smiled weakly or just tried to. “Well,… It gets worse and worse, I think. I realized I wouldn’t live without you so… it looks like that, then.” Pierre said the truth and David closed his eyes, letting a tear fall down.

“I’m sorry, Pierre, but I gotta go to… back home.” He said and smiled a bit. “Take care.” He added and walked away. Pierre couldn’t say a single word and David was gone. Again.

______

The time goes by and as David so Pierre are suffering all the time. They say, the scars are gonna heal – but they’re never gonna go away. There’s only pain…

It’s Tuesday – dinner time. Kayden’s sitting at the table, forking a pea all over the plate in front of him. David’s just watching him with his eyebrow raised. “What are you doing?” He asked simply, biting a piece of meat.

“Where’s my mother?” Kayden asked in short without hesitation. It caught David off-guard. Suddenly he had a goose skin and coldness flooded his full body.

“Where’s she?!” Kayden urged and looked at David angrily. He didn’t know what to say. “Well…-“ “GO ON!” Kayden shouted that much that David was taken aback a bit. “Actually… I don’t know where she is.” David lowered his eyes.  “You don’t?” He asked and raised an eyebrow. “No…I don’t…” “Well, I don’t even know who my mother is but I wanna see her. Right now.” David couldn’t just let him be with her.

“I don’t think it’s the right time for you to meet her-“ “I have waited for almost 17 years now. You get it?! I don’t wanna wait for other 10 years!” Kayden shouted. David knew he won’t climb down.

David sighed nervously as he thought up what to tell him. “Kayden, I got an idea.” “I’m all-ears.” He said and leaned on his back cross-armed. “I’ll let you meet her but-“ “There’s no but then, is it?” Kayden cut him in for umpteenth time. “I don’t want you to be disappointed or let down.” David got tears in his eyes. “Better see my mother and be disappointed than not see her at all and regret I have never had the chance to meet her.” He said firmly and got up off the chair.

“Let’s set off tomorrow.” “Kayden, we can’t go that-“ “I said we’ll head over right tomorrow! I won’t wait!” He shouted. David was powerless. As he walked away David covered his face into his palms, crying.

David didn’t know what to do at all. It was running through his mind still. He just needed to tell it to someone. To someone who’s really quick on the uptake. And the only one that got into his thought was… Pierre.

He decided to call him even if he felt a little bit guilty about it. He was trying to forget about him all the time and he thought that he just overcame the line of missing him [By the way he misses him as hell still].

“Hey, Davie?” Pierre said to the phone exciting, sitting on the couch at his mother’s home. He was SO damn glad his love phoned him even though he didn’t know the reason why he did. David swallowed thickly and didn’t know how to start.

“Hello, Pierre. I just… need you to give me an advice, you know..” David was really nervous at the beginning but then it was going away, luckily. Pierre was really glad to hear his angelic voice. “I’m here for you. There was no time I wasn’t.” Pierre said and waited for David’s response that came after a while. “I know… thank you.”

As Pierre got to know what was going on he was really scared a bit. Only he knew what David’s ex wife has been like. Only he knew how she has treated as David so Kayden like dirt. He knew how bad she is.

“Well and Kayden just wants to see her. He told me to head over right tomorrow.” David said and lower down his eyes. It would make Pierre really sad to see him being that way. That’s just a lucky thing that you can’t see anyone over the phone.

“Umm… maybe it’s a good idea to let him see her. To let him see how she acts, you know what I mean? Like… maybe he would realize how bad it is to behave like that. That he has the same disgraceful behaviour as his mother, you know. I think It’s a good way to tell him to not keep doing what he does all the time, like boozing, smoking, getting high, showing off in front of girls and such…” Pierre said in ‘short’. David was thinking for a while. He was in two minds – should I let him see her? Shouldn’t I?

Pierre confirmed him in that. He should.

“Okay, you’re absolutely right. Thank you for letting me know your opinion, Pierre.” David said and was about to hang up but – Pierre wasn’t in. No problem, Davie… whenever.” David just could hear Pierre’s giggling. It made him smile, too. It was tearing them both apart. They used to be together and used to see one another smiling and now? They can’t.

“I miss you, Davey.” Pierre did his best to not be in tears. He covered his mouth with hand to quieten the sobbing. David closed his eyes. He didn’t know if he could say what he was about to. He did. “I miss you, too.”

He hung up.

“Davie? Where are you? Hey, I wanna.. I wanna….” He just heard a few beeps before he threw his phone on the ground fisting the table angrily

THE SPARKS OF THE LIGHTS - Part 11

Pierre had to leave.

It took him a long time before he packed up all his bags and went away. He knew it was exactly what Kayden wanted – to break them apart. Pierre either David was in tears all the time. David couldn’t believe Pierre did something so beyond his comprehension. And on the other hand, to leave was the hardest thing to do for Pierre.

He spent the whole night by going around the city in tears when it was raining. He didn’t know where to go. He didn’t know what to do. He knew nothing. Just the tears were meddling to the rain drops.

Pierre was torn in two. He could barely keep it all inside. His little heart was broken. The most important part of his life was gone. David. Pierre thought: Wish I didn’t have to be gone.

Teardrops have splattered on David’s shirt. He knew he was a sucker for anything that Pierre does. How he wishes he could walk through the doors of his mind and hold memory close at his hand to help himself understand the past time.

________

Pierre’s coming out of a store as a body without soul. His eyes are still glassy because of the tears he tries to keep inside. He didn’t see David for almost 5 days now. He tried to call him to be able to explain what Kayden has thought up but he couldn’t reach him at all.

He’s sitting on a bench, looking crestfallen and spaced-out. Suddenly somebody sat next to him. He took a look at the ‘somebody’. It was Kayden. Pierre didn’t expect it to be him. “What’s up, ‘PIERRE’? … What a beautiful life, right?” He pronounced his name really carefully and was teasing him. Pierre was too weak to say something tough.

He looked into Kayden’s spiteful eyes with words: “You got what you wanted. Are you satisfied enough?” Pierre’s speech was quite unsurely silent. It made Kayden laugh. He leaned on the back before saying: “You know, it’s much better now. I love seeing you suffer. And the best thing is that you’ll NEVER be able to come back. My father doesn’t want to have anything to do with you.” Kayden said impassively with a look of indifference.

“You’re so damn cold-hearted, Kayden. Why do you hate me so much that you had to tear us apart? I miss your father, you know it? I miss him and-“ “I just hate you. I hate all fags.” Pierre burst into tears, looking away.

Kayden just took a look at him but no emotion woke up inside of him. “It’s disgusting to fuck somebody’s ass. Yuk, I got sick of it.” Kayden was doing some strange looks even sounds as he was talking about homosexuality. “Anyways, the other reason why I wanted you to get out was my father. I just don’t wanna be known as a son of a queer, you know?” Kayden snapped again.

Pierre felt terrible but smiled weakly at the thought. It was all fake. He was thinking of what to say for a while. “You know, I don’t get it. I don’t get how people can lower themselves to hating someone because of their sexual orientation. It’s so lame.” Pierre shook his head. He knew homophobia is really pathetic.

“I don’t care what you say, you wanker. Enjoy your fucked up life!” Kayden shouted and walked away with his friends, laughing all the way home. Pierre was overpowered by urgency to cry again. He fisted the bench really hard.

_______

“Where are you going, Kay?” David asked as he heard Kayden’s footsteps on the stairs. “To the club! …. To enjoy some girl’s company.” The second part of the sentence he said really silently David to not hear it. It wasn’t for the first time Kayden did this. It was too strange for David, then. When Pierre was there Kayden was kinda okay – he didn’t feel that he should go to a club or something. And it was rather on suss for David.

“Wait up. I wanna ask you something.” David smelt a low trick. He leaned on the door frame while his son was putting on his shoes. “But I’m in hurry. All my friends are waiting there for me now. Gotta go.” He snapped and wanted to go away. “Wait here, Kayden!” David got tougher and gave him an angry look.

“Something is wrong here.” Kayden just rolled his eyes and looked at his leaned-on father. “What are you talking about?” He raised an eyebrow annoyingly. “You know… You told me Pierre forced you to have sex with him… I guess it was 5 days ago. It’s not such a long time to recover, don’t you think?” David asked. It was kinda strange for him, really.

Kayden swallowed thickly but it wasn’t shown. He felt a bit horrible about his father finding it out. He just had to cover it up somehow.

“You know, dear dad… I do my best to forget about the worst nightmare I have.” Kayden said seriously and lowered down his eyes David to not notice the ‘lie’ in them.

David sighed a bit before rubbing his sleepy eyes and saying: “Well, okay… come in 3 hours, okay?” David told him and checked the clock – it was 9 p.m. It meant for Kayden to show up in the midnight hour. “You know I won’t come back that soon.” “You will, Kayden and dead end.” David said firmly and went closer to him to close the door behind him. “That’s a no-brainer, right? See you later. I’ll wait up for you, okay? Have fun and don’t overdo it!” David said. Kayden didn’t respond at all and walked away.

He was laughing in his sleeve that his father is so trusting.

THE SPARKS OF THE LIGHTS - Part 10

It’s been a while of David not talking to Pierre at all. The reason was Kayden, of course. It seemed like Pierre would leave because of what was going on. But to be honest, the circumstance didn’t get better – it’s worse and worse. There’s always anything that Kayden think of to chase Pierre off of their house. To tell the truth – it works still.

Now it’s the day of Pierre having necessity to learn to be able to pass the exam that’s following on. He just HAS TO manage it without difficulty.

He’s sitting at the desk, resting his elbows on and reading some shits he has to know by heart. Suddenly a sound of rustling keys woke him up from learning – it was Kayden.

He came in the kitchen without greeting – neither Pierre felt any urgency to greet. He just turned his head around, looking at Kayden who was laughing in his sleeve. “So what? How do you feel, you bully?” Kayden asked laughingly.

Pierre took a look at him incredulously. “Can you tell me why you do that? If you want me to get out of here, you can do it in another way. I’m NOT a bully and you know it so STOP talking David shits about me bullying you!” Pierre said firmly and got up, leaning on the desk. “But he believes me, you know it? It works.” “Does it do you the world of good?” Pierre asked, looking angry. “It does, yes. I’m not complaining.”

Pierre just said to himself inwardly: Did I listen well? It’s incredible how bad Kayden acts. “You’re incredible. You keep making us feel worse and worse, you know it? Your dad is completely depressed. Is it what you want to? To make him depressed?!” Pierre asked firmly but calmly.

“Hey, you fuckard. I won’t listen to you. My only desire is to get you out of here in the shortest period of time, you know? And besides that, I hate you and I hate my father!” It was a bit enough for Pierre. “Thinking isn’t your strong point, is it? He’s your father! The only one!” Pierre shouted out, letting his eyes be filled with tears. “I don’t wanna be a son of a queer, you know?!” “Better be a son of a queer than be SON OF A BITCH!” Pierre cut him in angrily, crying.

“Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest? Dear, we’ll see how it’s gonna be, you… fucking screwed up goddamn shitty bully! You’re good, being gone and bet it’s gonna be like I say!” Kayden retorted, holding his ground. He decided to go up to his room and do something about it. “Where are you going?” Pierre asked while watching his leaving of. “Stubborn dickhead!” It was all what Kayden said before he went up and was thinking of what he could do to himself to muscle Pierre out finally.

______

David’s coming home from work. Kayden heard the rustling and went down to the corridor. “I’m here,” David came in the living room where Pierre was trying to study even if it didn’t come to his head at all. “Hello, darling,” David greeted and kissed Pierre’s right cheek. “Hi, sweetie,” Pierre smiled weakly and kinda sleepily. “So how’s the studying going?” David asked sort of normally before Kayden came in.

He was crying again (To be honest, it was quite obvious that the crying was fake even if David didn’t recognize it). David was just looking at him, resting his hand on Pierre’s shoulder – Pierre knew what Kayden was up to.

“What’s up, Kay?” David asked frightened and went closer to him, touching his cheek and making his head lift up. Terrified David didn’t know what has happened – at all.

“He ju-just…” Kayden started but the sobbing didn’t let him go on. The outcome was stuttering. “He forced me to-…” He couldn’t pronounce it at all. “What? Tell me.” David urged. He just wanted to know it. If Pierre did something bad again, he wouldn’t probably stand it anymore.

“He wanted to rape me!” Kayden shouted out and burst into tears. David either Pierre was incredibly confused. “What?! That ain’t true, David!” Pierre stood up for himself. He would never force anyone to sleep with him. NEVER. Frankly, sex is the last thing he thinks about. He’s definitely NOT a horny highly-sexed sicko.

Frightened David burst into tears as well. Pierre didn’t know how to clarify that he’s absolutely blameless. Pierre stood up from the couch he was sitting on till now. “I’m not a pervert and you know it. I would never force anyone to do that, you know?” “Get out.” David said silently but firmly. Pierre’s eyes widened and mouth dropped down. “Go away, Pierre.” David repeated what he said before. It made Pierre nonplus.

“David… I have never touched him, you can’t believe his lies.” “You can pack your bags and go away. It’s enough, you know? I give you an hour then you won’t be here anymore.” David said firmly and didn’t look into his eyes after that. Pierre burst into tears.

There was a silence for a moment. Neither spoke. After a while of confusion Pierre did. “Are you serious?” A tear drop fell down his each and left behind a salty mark. David just swallowed thickly before saying: “Go. My strong nerves have broken off. It’s over.” Other tear drops copied the salt-stained mark.

“I love you, David and I don’t want to quit this-“ “Go away, Pierre. We can’t go back. I won’t be with somebody that hurts my son.” It was too much even for Pierre that was totally guiltless. He did nothing wrong. At ALL!

He lowered his eyes down and passed them both by, going slowly with tears in his eyes. “I feel so sorry…” He said and walked away in tears.

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